In many male friendships, talking about growth or setting personal goals can feel out of place. Say you mention wanting to read more, learn a skill, or do something different, it’s brushed off, joked about, or even met with silence. For a lot of men, the idea of self-improvement clashes with old expectations of toughness and keeping emotions hidden. Instead of encouragement, you get banter or dismissal, and over time, that makes it harder to openly pursue progress.
What Drives That Stigma
Society still teaches men that emotions are weak and ambition is bragging. A study on traditional masculinity norms found that men internalise ideas like stoicism and self-reliance, which can seriously block them from seeking help or aiming higher. It is not even conscious. Some of it is just muscle memory from jokes or “banter” that frames change as strange.
A Real Cost to Staying Quiet
When men don’t talk about growth, something gets cut off. Friendships can stay surface-level. You never swap tips on life or admit you’re having a day where you want to read instead of going out. A report on friendships notes that men typically have fewer and shallower bonds because emotional honesty is missing. That stunts both ends of the friendship.
Why We Must Shift
This needs to change for two big reasons:
- Better friendships: When we can say, “I’m trying to sort my mood,” friends might surprise us and say, “Me too.” That builds trust instead of keeping things locked behind coded humour.
- Real growth: Hidden goals stay hidden. When you share even the smallest intention, it becomes real. A simple “I’m trying to stop doom-scrolling” is not cringe. It is brave.
Slowly Rewriting the Rulebook
There is hope. Spaces like Grams Lounge prove that letting words spill doesn’t explode the group. It softens it. In one circle, men sat, talking about breakups, work pressure, and they said they felt lighter just for saying it. That kind of honest bond is what shifts norms.
And Here’s the Deal
If you feel that prick of shame when saying something that matters to you, know you are not broken. You are human. Real and raw conversation can change how we show up for each other. It may start with one person saying something real.
Conclusion
We need to loosen the idea that wanting to improve is weird. If you feel drawn to be better at life, go for it. Maybe start with a friend who laughs when you say it and can still stay. That is the beginning of deeper trust and better friendship.
If you’re in Birmingham or nearby, Grams Lounge is building a space for exactly that kind of real connection, no trends, no wellness hype, just honest talk and support. Visit Grams Lounge to see what’s coming.
